I swing between staying as I am and accepting where I am at (physically I am talking) and getting fitter and healthier. Which one is more acceptable, which one can I live with? I just don't know. I have Rob on Tuesday - Sunday I start thinking about it, getting a bit anxious and wondering what on earth will we talk about this week, how will I react to it and look forward to it being over! I rarely have a set idea on what to talk about and so at the moment we are working through a journal I left with him. He says I write so well and clearly. And yet, when it comes to talking about it I am stunted and stricken. Fear swallows me up and in my panic to gain some control of the over whelming feelings I switch it all off and go into "hide mode". I go quiet and far away. It is only Rob's gentleness and kind persistence that often brings me back. I struggle to stay "in the room", we are working hard on that one!